oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
