Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
