Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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