Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
