omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
