and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
