Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
