I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
