im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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