I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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