I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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