Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize