When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
