Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
