doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
