I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
