Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
