Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
