the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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