Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize