he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
