the new term for farting is butt boxing.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize