I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
