she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
