Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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