Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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