Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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