we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize