bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
