I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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