She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize