YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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