Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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