fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Fuck appropriateness.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize