if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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