I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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