I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
