Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
