I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
