Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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