There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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