I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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