Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
