there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm always down for nudity.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
