Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
