ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
