I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
