The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize