my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We have so much sex to catch up on
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
