we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
