Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
its not stalking. its research.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize