we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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