i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
