no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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