OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
