hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
