and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
