Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
