Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
