I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
