as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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