I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
