My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
please don't ironically join a cult
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