after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize