man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
