It's like God shit irony all over that family
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
