apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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