Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
