Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think your dad took our porno
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
