Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry bigtits69 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

but the lizard people decide everything anyway

Fav 27 4111 1029
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..

Fav 2 3411 1639
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(505): View more from New Mexico

I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

Fav 12 1102 2794
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today

Fav 3 2216 1047
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!

Fav 5 1804 748
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.

Fav 14 1848 971
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(831): View more from California

Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance

Fav 14 3447 947
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(702): View more from Nevada

The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.

Fav 3 598 1203
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(573): View more from Missouri

my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.

Fav 0 29 33
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT