Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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