Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You took a bar mat shot.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
