So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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