This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
