I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
