this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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