New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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