I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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