the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
