You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
