I got chris browned last night
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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