You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
