it was like his penis was on wheels.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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