Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
