I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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