why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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