We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
