Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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