who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
