I heard we made out
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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