that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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