I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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