My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
