Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
