So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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