Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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