my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize