Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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