I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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