you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
