Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
