opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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