Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
