smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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