What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
