I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize