I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
