i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
