dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize